The Gown
Shopping for your wedding dress should be a delight, but it takes some premeditation. We cannot all be Judy Jetson, beaming a well-tailored ensemble onto our persons at the click of a button. In order to find your dress - the one that is waiting for you, the one that complements your every curve, the one that you will, on your wedding day, be jumping out of your garter to wear - you may have to apply yourself.
Almost as important as finding your dress is picking the first person to help you with your Inaugural Dress Hunt (IDH). For your first dress shopping expedition (which may end up being your last), I recommend bringing along a shopping mate. The person you bring to your IDH should be The Most Open-Minded Person you know. The first expedition is all about getting a taste, and you want to bring along a person who is undaunted by Baskin Robbins' 31 flavors. It should be a person who, when asked, "Live in an igloo for a year or Live in a teepee?" replies, "Yeah!" This person may heavily influence your final dress selection. Conversely, you should not bring Brutally Honest Auntie Bea to your first expedition. She may psyche you into believing that you look dowdy like in all mermaid-style dresses. And the first hunt should be all about experimenting, fantasizing, fancying yourself in ribbon and lace and Hawaiian mumus, if you desire.
After you have chosen your shopping mate, make sure you do your laundry. Make sure you have fresh, clean underwear. Make sure you do not strand yourself on the Island of No More Panties and cause yourself to wear a thong or - gasp! - The Emperor's New Bloomers to your fitting. Some dress shops, such as the chi chi one I ventured to for my IDH actually require the salesgals to assist you in the fitting room. (You probably knew this already, but it was just my luck that I was Clueless Thong Girl that day.) There is no greater chagrin than standing there with your unshaven legs and dinky dental floss undies as Salesgal wiggles you into a monstrous frock you can't afford. Flashback to that unworthy feeling you experienced when you tried on your sister's high school showchoir costume. Imagine that feeling multiplied times eleventy billion as I admired myself in the mirror, all the while knowing that my bare tookis was touching a dress that was not my own!This is not to say that I discourage you from patronizing the chi chi shops for your IDH. I found it worthwhile to glimpse the higher end of the price spectrum first before sizing up the more economical picks. Just remember to put on sensible undergarments prior to leaving the house.
Along with equipping yourself with an open-minded shopping mate and the proper panties, I recommend bringing a couple of additional items with you on your dress hunts. Clippings from magazines of dresses, a notebook, paper (to document sizes and prices of dresses you'd like to revisit), and a digital camera are all good supplies. Do note that some shops request no photography in their stores as they do not want every mother-of-the-bride sobbing and making like the paparazzi and turning their boutique into a Lifetime Network special. Understandable.
If you should find the designer dress you clipped out of the magazine on your IDH, then Wooohoo, Girl! May you relish the all opportunities to describe your dress using big sweeping gestures in front of the office water cooler. Just think, now that you have found your dress, you will have loads of time to focus on finding comfortable shoes (I wore raised flip-flops the entire day and enthusiastically advocate for this footwear) and a bra that gives you boost.
If you do not, however, find your dress on the first trip, you've got options:
- You can go the online auction route, such as e-bay (http://www.ebay.com/). This online auction house features new and used dresses, some of which you may have seen or tried on in a shop for double e-bay's asking price. You may even want to consult e-bay before you hit up the shops to gage prices depending on the designer. Of course, there are a variety of obvious risks involved in bidding for dresses on e-bay.
First, you may bid and win a dress that may not fit. And then you can't return it. D'oh. You can also get bid-happy on e-bay, especially if you are vying for more than one dress. Be ye careful, lest ye be the winner of two dresses for your one wedding. Also, there is the hazard of Auction Obsession. Seasons are changing and women are running for president and bosses are hovering. It would be a shame if you missed all this and got sacked because you were busy cursing out other bidders on e-bay.
Finally, you may run the risk of getting a dress with a bad vibe. I don't much believe in the karma, but there is something to be said about a dress with a shady past. For instance, when the man selling the dress - who is not a bridal shop proprietor - indicates, among the dress' other features, that it was worn by "that miserable witch," chances are that he has probably cast various spells on the dress and is probably also selling a bridal voodoo doll in another auction. Which is why, as selfless as it may be to buy a used dress, I think it is worth going into debt over a dress that has no history other than you trying it on for size.
- You can also see about a seamstress. Especially if, after much research, you find that wedding dress designers did not model their designs after your body type. I myself, standing 4'10", felt my petiteness was largely underrepresented in the bridal fashion world. So a seamstress may have been a logical option since I ended up paying a small fortune to tailor my dress anyway. Oh wait, actually, I was flat broke at the time that the tailor told me that she would have to cut a few table cloths worth of fabric from the length of my gown. At that point, I was glad that my mother proffered up her plastic.
If you do seek out the services of a seamstress, do ask for an estimate of the cost including labor and materials, but also do expect to surpass the estimate as the making of a custom dress can be an unpredictable endeavor. I should know. I made so many potholders on my weaving loom as a wee lass and by golly, were those nylon bandies always snapping unexpectedly!
- You can rent a dress. You're only going to wear it once, afterall, and sometimes your rental options are much better than shopping-to-own. If you are considering wearing a formal gown for your ceremony and changing into a more flowing one in order to bust a groove at your reception, renting may be your best bet. Of course, if you are the sentimental type who has saved every last Girl Scout badge you ever earned, renting may not be the way to go.
- You can also keep on truckin' and tryin.' I have reason to believe that some women clip an image of their perfect dress from a magazine, determined to fit into it, even if it means having their ribs surgically removed. This massochism eludes me. In a perfect world, we all might look smashing in the bridal covergirl's dress, but unfortunately, our world is remarkably flawed. We are wrongly dealt parking tickets and unnecessarily passed up for promotions and sometimes our coupons expire before we have the chance to use them. And sometimes we look like a real tart in a halter dress. So keep an open mind when it comes to trying on different styles, colors, and fabrics. Your dress is out there and you do not have to nip/tuck any bodily organs to fit into it!
Narrowing down your choices
Many sources will tell you that you will know your dress when you see it. Some will even say that the way that the way you knew your husband was The One parallels the way that you instinctively know your wedding dress. While I agree that both decisions are made in the deep recesses of your gut, each bears a different weight. Choosing the man you will spend the rest of your lifetime waking up to each morning? Big, important decision. Choosing the beautiful dress you will wear for one day? Small, important decision.
Whether your approach is systematic or spontaneous, of course you will know when a dress meets your expectations in the function, fashion, and finance deparments. It will be the dress that causes you to say to yourself, "Self, if you choose any other dress than THAT one, you will spend the rest of your life regretting the opportunity to wear that dress on your wedding day."What if Dress Hunting is Making Me Lose My Will to Live?
I do maintain that dress shopping should be and can be a delight. It is a decadent experience to try on beautiful dresses and veils and learn about beading and bustles. As with most things, though, the more decadent, the more pricey. What we don't expect sometimes is the high emotional pricetag attached to a dress.I know that one bummer shopping experience can make you want to binge on all of the Koala Yummies in sight. Or only gnaw on lettuce leaves for days.
I remember one Sunday in which my mother accompanied me to several local shops. After I had decidedly found my dress, she wanted to continue to shop. She pulled up to yet another dress boutique and began to paw through rack after rack of dresses. I almost pulled a nutty on her in the middle of the busy store, but instead I found a nice chair in which to sulk, which was obviously a very mature alternative.If the search for your dress becomes exhaustive and no longer fun, you need to get out of the fast lane. Go park your bridal bus in the lot of a nice teahouse or the home of a friend. Or just go home and watch some "227" reruns. (Jackee alone will make you feel so much better about your personal taste in fashion.)
Shopping for your wedding dress, as this chapter begins, should be FUN! If it makes you cry, or causes you to get all up in your head, then you must shed the shopping mate that is bringing you down. Or you need to go roll some silverware for the reception and think happy thoughts.Every bride finds her dress somehow and if, after much searching in vain, you are still struggling, return to step 1. Grab your Most Open-Minded Person shopping mate and venture out once more. Once that lovely frock is secured in her closet, a bride should have no reason to look back with regret, but only look forward to the opportunity to don it on her big day.
Almost as important as finding your dress is picking the first person to help you with your Inaugural Dress Hunt (IDH). For your first dress shopping expedition (which may end up being your last), I recommend bringing along a shopping mate. The person you bring to your IDH should be The Most Open-Minded Person you know. The first expedition is all about getting a taste, and you want to bring along a person who is undaunted by Baskin Robbins' 31 flavors. It should be a person who, when asked, "Live in an igloo for a year or Live in a teepee?" replies, "Yeah!" This person may heavily influence your final dress selection. Conversely, you should not bring Brutally Honest Auntie Bea to your first expedition. She may psyche you into believing that you look dowdy like in all mermaid-style dresses. And the first hunt should be all about experimenting, fantasizing, fancying yourself in ribbon and lace and Hawaiian mumus, if you desire.
After you have chosen your shopping mate, make sure you do your laundry. Make sure you have fresh, clean underwear. Make sure you do not strand yourself on the Island of No More Panties and cause yourself to wear a thong or - gasp! - The Emperor's New Bloomers to your fitting. Some dress shops, such as the chi chi one I ventured to for my IDH actually require the salesgals to assist you in the fitting room. (You probably knew this already, but it was just my luck that I was Clueless Thong Girl that day.) There is no greater chagrin than standing there with your unshaven legs and dinky dental floss undies as Salesgal wiggles you into a monstrous frock you can't afford. Flashback to that unworthy feeling you experienced when you tried on your sister's high school showchoir costume. Imagine that feeling multiplied times eleventy billion as I admired myself in the mirror, all the while knowing that my bare tookis was touching a dress that was not my own!This is not to say that I discourage you from patronizing the chi chi shops for your IDH. I found it worthwhile to glimpse the higher end of the price spectrum first before sizing up the more economical picks. Just remember to put on sensible undergarments prior to leaving the house.
Along with equipping yourself with an open-minded shopping mate and the proper panties, I recommend bringing a couple of additional items with you on your dress hunts. Clippings from magazines of dresses, a notebook, paper (to document sizes and prices of dresses you'd like to revisit), and a digital camera are all good supplies. Do note that some shops request no photography in their stores as they do not want every mother-of-the-bride sobbing and making like the paparazzi and turning their boutique into a Lifetime Network special. Understandable.
If you should find the designer dress you clipped out of the magazine on your IDH, then Wooohoo, Girl! May you relish the all opportunities to describe your dress using big sweeping gestures in front of the office water cooler. Just think, now that you have found your dress, you will have loads of time to focus on finding comfortable shoes (I wore raised flip-flops the entire day and enthusiastically advocate for this footwear) and a bra that gives you boost.
If you do not, however, find your dress on the first trip, you've got options:
- You can go the online auction route, such as e-bay (http://www.ebay.com/). This online auction house features new and used dresses, some of which you may have seen or tried on in a shop for double e-bay's asking price. You may even want to consult e-bay before you hit up the shops to gage prices depending on the designer. Of course, there are a variety of obvious risks involved in bidding for dresses on e-bay.
First, you may bid and win a dress that may not fit. And then you can't return it. D'oh. You can also get bid-happy on e-bay, especially if you are vying for more than one dress. Be ye careful, lest ye be the winner of two dresses for your one wedding. Also, there is the hazard of Auction Obsession. Seasons are changing and women are running for president and bosses are hovering. It would be a shame if you missed all this and got sacked because you were busy cursing out other bidders on e-bay.
Finally, you may run the risk of getting a dress with a bad vibe. I don't much believe in the karma, but there is something to be said about a dress with a shady past. For instance, when the man selling the dress - who is not a bridal shop proprietor - indicates, among the dress' other features, that it was worn by "that miserable witch," chances are that he has probably cast various spells on the dress and is probably also selling a bridal voodoo doll in another auction. Which is why, as selfless as it may be to buy a used dress, I think it is worth going into debt over a dress that has no history other than you trying it on for size.
- You can also see about a seamstress. Especially if, after much research, you find that wedding dress designers did not model their designs after your body type. I myself, standing 4'10", felt my petiteness was largely underrepresented in the bridal fashion world. So a seamstress may have been a logical option since I ended up paying a small fortune to tailor my dress anyway. Oh wait, actually, I was flat broke at the time that the tailor told me that she would have to cut a few table cloths worth of fabric from the length of my gown. At that point, I was glad that my mother proffered up her plastic.
If you do seek out the services of a seamstress, do ask for an estimate of the cost including labor and materials, but also do expect to surpass the estimate as the making of a custom dress can be an unpredictable endeavor. I should know. I made so many potholders on my weaving loom as a wee lass and by golly, were those nylon bandies always snapping unexpectedly!
- You can rent a dress. You're only going to wear it once, afterall, and sometimes your rental options are much better than shopping-to-own. If you are considering wearing a formal gown for your ceremony and changing into a more flowing one in order to bust a groove at your reception, renting may be your best bet. Of course, if you are the sentimental type who has saved every last Girl Scout badge you ever earned, renting may not be the way to go.
- You can also keep on truckin' and tryin.' I have reason to believe that some women clip an image of their perfect dress from a magazine, determined to fit into it, even if it means having their ribs surgically removed. This massochism eludes me. In a perfect world, we all might look smashing in the bridal covergirl's dress, but unfortunately, our world is remarkably flawed. We are wrongly dealt parking tickets and unnecessarily passed up for promotions and sometimes our coupons expire before we have the chance to use them. And sometimes we look like a real tart in a halter dress. So keep an open mind when it comes to trying on different styles, colors, and fabrics. Your dress is out there and you do not have to nip/tuck any bodily organs to fit into it!
Narrowing down your choices
Many sources will tell you that you will know your dress when you see it. Some will even say that the way that the way you knew your husband was The One parallels the way that you instinctively know your wedding dress. While I agree that both decisions are made in the deep recesses of your gut, each bears a different weight. Choosing the man you will spend the rest of your lifetime waking up to each morning? Big, important decision. Choosing the beautiful dress you will wear for one day? Small, important decision.
Whether your approach is systematic or spontaneous, of course you will know when a dress meets your expectations in the function, fashion, and finance deparments. It will be the dress that causes you to say to yourself, "Self, if you choose any other dress than THAT one, you will spend the rest of your life regretting the opportunity to wear that dress on your wedding day."What if Dress Hunting is Making Me Lose My Will to Live?
I do maintain that dress shopping should be and can be a delight. It is a decadent experience to try on beautiful dresses and veils and learn about beading and bustles. As with most things, though, the more decadent, the more pricey. What we don't expect sometimes is the high emotional pricetag attached to a dress.I know that one bummer shopping experience can make you want to binge on all of the Koala Yummies in sight. Or only gnaw on lettuce leaves for days.
I remember one Sunday in which my mother accompanied me to several local shops. After I had decidedly found my dress, she wanted to continue to shop. She pulled up to yet another dress boutique and began to paw through rack after rack of dresses. I almost pulled a nutty on her in the middle of the busy store, but instead I found a nice chair in which to sulk, which was obviously a very mature alternative.If the search for your dress becomes exhaustive and no longer fun, you need to get out of the fast lane. Go park your bridal bus in the lot of a nice teahouse or the home of a friend. Or just go home and watch some "227" reruns. (Jackee alone will make you feel so much better about your personal taste in fashion.)
Shopping for your wedding dress, as this chapter begins, should be FUN! If it makes you cry, or causes you to get all up in your head, then you must shed the shopping mate that is bringing you down. Or you need to go roll some silverware for the reception and think happy thoughts.Every bride finds her dress somehow and if, after much searching in vain, you are still struggling, return to step 1. Grab your Most Open-Minded Person shopping mate and venture out once more. Once that lovely frock is secured in her closet, a bride should have no reason to look back with regret, but only look forward to the opportunity to don it on her big day.
posted by The Grammarian @ 10:58 PM
2 Comments:
At 12:28 AM,
Tam :o) said…
I respect your blog on your expeirence but, not all brides will have the same experience you did. I have been on both sides of the buying and selling of a wedding gown.
I purchased my wedding dress in May of 2002. I only went to one place, tried on 5 gowns and purchased the very last one that I tried on and, I have not looked back since. I loved my gown. I still love my gown! I do not regret for one moment that I did not shop at every botique in town and beyond. It was the perfect gown for me.
Here it is, 3 years later and I am a bridal consultant and I help brides everyday find the dress of their dreams for their big day. There is no better feeling than knowing you were the one that helped her find the dress of her dreams.
I have advice for all of you newly engaged brides who have not yet been out shopping for your gown:
1-Start looking asap. It is NEVER too early to look but, it can be too late. Some places take anywhere from 3-9 months to get orders in and remember, alterations can take up to 10 weeks as well.
2-You will know your dress when you put it on. Do not be surprised if it is the first one you try.
3-You do not need to go to 50 salons and see every dress in your city/state. If you do this, you will deffinetly become overwhelmed, confused and frustrated and this will only make your decision harder. Limit yourself to maybe 3 shops, the ones that are most reputable. You will find beautifu gowns that you like everywhere you go.
4-Do not take every bridesmaid, aunt, sister, cousin, friend you have ever made in your whole life with you while you look. Everyone will have a different oppion and this will only confuse and frustrate you more. Limit yourself to your mother, maid of honor, or your sister or someone whos oppion matters most....2-3 people max.
5-When you are looking at dresses online or in magazines, really look at the detail on the dress, not how it looks on the modle. Your body is different and it will NOT look the same on you.
6-Be open minded when you go and try on different styles. You may think you want a haulter but, if you do not have the right shoulders, you could end up looking like a football player.
7-Yes, you do need a bridal bra and slip. Your foundation garments are as important as the dress. The right bra will help hold up that strapless gown that weighs more than your little tank top so, NO you cannot wear the strapless bra you have at home. The bra you have at home will not hold up that dress or your breasts. So, if you want to look like you have pancakes in your top and pull up your dress all night, buy the bridal bra that your consultant brings you. As for the slip....you do not need to have all the poof but, the slip will prevent your dress from going between your legs as you walk down the isle and it will help with the shape of your beautiful A-line gown or help with the fullness of your ballgown. It will also, in some cases, prevent you from needing a hem in your dress which could run you about $120.
8-Yes, you should wear a veil. I cannot for the life of me understand why brides do not want veils. The veil is what makes you a bride and sets you apart from those other girls in your wedding wearing formal gowns. And, while we are on the subject of head pieces, why would you spend $45 for 1 real flower for your hair that will wilt and dye and get thrown away? Why not spend that $45 on a pretty comb, hair pins or tiara? It wont die, it wont wilt and you will have it for the rest of your life. Think of your tiara as an investment. The really good ones may cost a little more but, they wont tarnish and you could someday pass it down to your little girl. After all, she may not like your dress but, she could love your tiara!
In my experience, brides will come in and have something in mind yet they leave with the complete opposite. They almost never get what they expect they really want. Not every bride will get the butterflies and start crying when she finds THE dress! Do not settle on your dress. And, you really do not need to think about it if you LOVE it. If you can stand there in that mirror and tell yourself, "...if my wedding were in 2 weeks I would so buy this dress!" ...you found your dress. What is there to tink about? Once you find your dress, you will stop looking because you will then be able to focus on your invitations, favors, flowers, seating, music, dj, photographer, etc....
Remember, you did not tell your fiancee to give you a week to think about it did you?
At 10:04 AM,
Anonymous said…
I respect and agree with a lot of the comments from tam :o), however, every person is different. Some girls need to look at a LOT of dresses before they can decide. And maybe the first dress you tried on was "the one." But it might take trying on 25 not so perfect dresses before you realize that.
I had to try on a lot of dresses before I found "the one." But once I found it, I knew.
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