The Journal

As a bride-to-be, you will purchase many things in preparation for your wedding. Most of these will be items that the Wedding Industry (WI) has convinced you that you need and that you must be a poor, inferior sap of a bride if you do not think you NEED the most expensive gut-sucking corset available, because, again, YOU need it and you will rue the day you passed it up because, girl, you NEEEED it. The WI is a billion dollar business and it will try to hit you in the pocketbook at every opportunity.

Aside from sunlight, water, and your betrothed, there is only one other thing that I would classify as a Need as you prepare for your wedding. A journal. Just as I would have died without air and water, I would have absolutely exploded if I did not have my journal to help me through the wedding planning.

The purpose of the journal is fairly self-explanatory. No one needs an instruction manual as to how to keep a journal. That is the beauty of journaling - each one is different and a reflection of our unique life experiences. I do believe, however, that bride's share several common needs for a keeping a journal.

First, the journal is a place to say the things that would get you fired at work, ejected from a ballgame, excommunicated from church, estranged from family, or possibly unengaged. Brides-to-be are hit with a whole barrage of advice and inquisition. (See Ch. 1 - Q & A). Sometimes this can be overwhelming and insufferable. Sometimes the only way to properly reply is by nodding appreciatively, while thinking how you can't wait to say what you really think in your journal. The journal, in other words, is a place to tell people where to go, without ever really telling them.

Of course, cultivating a book based on vile and vulgar things to say to your prospective mother-in-law is not the primary purpose of the journal. Rather, the journal is an aid in character development. It will help you to process difficulty and stress, and help you to better articulate your feelings and priorities. You need not be eloquent or extravagant with language. In fact, one of my most cathartic posts went something like this:

"My
grace
is
gone.
I
am
sick of
getting
married."

I would put money on the fact that at some point, you too will feel drained and harassed enough to write something similar. Especially after the eleventieth person has just grabbed your left hand to ogle over your ring. Ugh! When is it otherwise appropriate to grab someone's appendage? That may be a rhetorical question, but you may discover that it has an answer by journaling.

Remember, the journal is your space, and you should be selective in who reads it. I know that sounds like advice from a pre-teen girls' reading series. I know that online journaling for all the world wide web to see is very en vogue right now. But your journal should be totally ego-less. If you have kept a journal for years, or just started one today, you should know that it is all about you. That being said, I do not recommend sharing your journal with your fiance the night before the wedding, a la Levin's gift to Kitty in Anna Karenina. I do not recommend leaving your journal in a friend's car for the weekend. I do, however, recommend using your journal as a springboard to difficult conversations or decisions you are bound to make with respect to your wedding, your marriage, your life!

Other ideas for how to use your journal:

Draw pictures of your dream wedding dress, hair, reception hall designs, etc. Or clip pictures from magazines and make a scrapbook montage of all of the notions you will want to keep in mind.

Write a firing list of tasks, both short and long-term, related to the wedding that both you and your fiance can complete.

Write letters to yourself in which you take stock of the many experiences that have led you to this point in your life.

Write letters to others before you try to posture a difficult conversation.

Reflect on what marriage is, what it means to join your life with another's life forever, and any excitement or trepidations you may hold related to this experience.

Reflect on what it means to be a good wife, and what your expectations are of yourself in emodying this role. Or clip pictures from magazines that represent in some way what you esteem as being a good wife.

I also used my journal to pray when I had a lot for God to hear, and to reflect on some of my Bible studies that I wanted to remember. I spent a great deal of time trying to understand the exhortations of Proberbs 31 which addresses what a godly wife is, and I will treasure these prepondrances from this important time in my life on the threshold to becoming a wife.

For whatever purpose(s) you choose to use your journal, I hope that you will maintain it faithfully and fill its pages frequently. One friend told me that shortly after her wedding, she wrote a letter to herself about all the things that had happened to her on her special day. I thought this was a wonderful idea and, during our honeymoon, both John and I wrote in our journals about the week leading up to the wedding, as well as everything we could remember about the wedding day - the conversations, the mishaps, the priceless moments. People will say how their weddings were unforgettable, but they are lying! Only a few short days after our wedding, I was having trouble remembering whether I had seen my mother at the reception or not. Was she even there? Of course she was! John had danced with her! Why hadn't I danced with her? I must have been busy rejoicing with my friend Lauren who had bought us a Disney Princess tent for our wedding (yessss!), or talking to one of the bartenders about her new job as a Spanish teacher, or waxing philosophical with one of the bandmates about the ultimate frisbee scene in Boston, all of which I would later write about in my journal.